To date this is the hardest post I've written. And if you are reading this I hope this is something you'll never have to eperience.
Late July 2015, my husband and I recieved the exciting news that we were expecting our second child. We were both very excited to welcome the newest little person in our family.
As a parent, I can tell you there's no love that compares to the love you have for your child. Think about it. With your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend there was an attraction or chemistry. You connected with this person and probably have similiar interest or beliefs.
But, with your children it's just automatic love from the start. If one of your friends told you that they were in love with a person that they have never met, don't know whether he or she IS a he or she, or have common interest/values, you would probably think they were crazy.
Well that's the feeling I've had with my pregnancies. It's this overwhelming feeling of love. And whether or not we share similiar beliefs or complete total opposites, it really doesn't matter. The love you have for a child is the purest, most unselfish love I have ever experienced.
I was closed to 8 weeks into my second pregnancy when I suffered a subchorionic hemorrhage. We had just been to the Doctor on a Tuesday and and got our first glimpse of the baby and by the following Monday it was all over.
I went from the highest of highs of seeing this new little life growing inside me to the lowest of lows all in less than a week. I felt so many different emotions: sadness, confusion, shame, and that somehow my body had let down this little person who was depending on me.
It was hard to try to explain to our daughter, who was so excited about becoming a big sister. It was news she took hard and it was at that moment I realized we ALL had dreams and love for this little person.
Although I would have loved to stay in bed a grieve, my husband and I want to to be active and present parents to our daughter, whose birthday was shortly after the miscarriage. So during the day we were mommy and daddy with strong brave faces; at night when our daughter was sleeping we were Jeremy and Raquel and grieved together.
It's been almost 6 months since my miscarriage and it still hurts. I feel like there's a part of my heart I will never know. I just try to remind myself that I'm blessed throughout the storm. It's not always easy.
To honor our child's memory we plan to donate toys to a local charity every year on the date of the first sonogram. It's our way of remembering and hopefully bringing a smile to a child.
If any of you have experienced or should ever experience the misfortune of a miscarriage just know you aren't alone and stay strong!